Tod Rasmussen/The Reporter Architect Sonia Dhami, who lives in India and will be working on the Fairfield Sihk temple, poses in front of a painting depicting Sihk symbols.

Designing woman

By Barbara Smith/Reporter Staff

Sonia Kaur Dhami's life is by design - her own.

At 34, Dhami is an architect who owns a business that designs Sikh temples - gurdwaras - throughout the world.

Also a wife and mother, Dhami challenges the stereotype of a subservient Eastern woman whose life is defined by marriage and children.

"I have had the freedom to choose what I wanted to do with my life," Dhami said. "I have independently made the choices that I wanted to."

Dhami's home is in Punjab, India, but she uses the American Canyon home of her brother-in-law, Harjinder Dhami, as her American base. She recently visited the Guru Nanak Sikh Temple in rural Fairfield, to present samples of the work done by her company, By Design - Art & Architecture.

For centuries, females in India were relegated to arranged marriages and lives without education. But today, women are free to choose homemaking or careers - or both - said Dhami.

"My personal choice was encouraged my parents and respected by my in-laws and my husband," Dhami said.

Dhami doesn't condemn the tradition of arranged marriages, but insists that Sikh women with dreams can reach for them, as she did.

"Both as a wife and daughter-in-law, I have faced no stereotype expectations on which I could blame any of my failures," she said.

But her life is not easy. With laptop computer and cellphone, Dhami travels nearly daily, and juggles her career, her 12-year marriage to Devinder and the care of their 10-month-old son, Daleep.

When they faced difficult choices in their marriage, it was Devinder - not Sonia - who made the concessions. A pilot for the Indian Air Force, he made a career change.

"Generally, the perception is that the woman comes home to the needs of her own family, and if there is a choice, they have to give up (their career)," Dhami said. "In my case, it is my husband that has taken the decision to make the change ... so we could have a better family life."

Dhami was born into a Sikh military family. Her extended family were farmers in Punjab. Her mother earned a post-graduate degree, and her father is a college graduate and retired colonel.

"The overall environment I grew up in was very broad-minded. I personally faced no discrimination for being a girl," Dhami said. "On the contrary, I feel I had more opportunities come my way compared to my brother."

Dhami's advantages included being able to study in Roman Catholic convent schools, where she learned English.

However, she does not describe her background as privileged.

"I don't belong to a rich, rich family," she said. "My parents' background is from a village, with small land holdings. My father moved out of the village, joined the army and made his life whatever he is today."

She went on to earn her bachelor's degree and later, a master's degree. Her brother has a bachelor's degree in engineering.

She met her husband 15 years ago when he was then a fighter pilot.

"Our marriage was not arranged by our parents, but our own choice," Dhami said. "Though incidentally, we were both from the same community."

Dhami always had an interest in architecture. Her first job was landscaping. Next she started incorporating pieces of art in gardens and offices.

"I didn't just start off with a big bang, but slowly down the line, things started getting better and better."

Dhami's first trip away from India was three years ago to visit the gurdwaras in America, Canada and the United Kingdom. There, she interacted with Sikhs in those countries.

She and her partner specialize in designing Sikh temples, including the interiors and landscaping.

"Our approach is to make art an inherent part of the design," she said. "We also design and fabricate sculptures, murals, oil paintings and articles of the Sikh faith."

An example is a palki sahib, a sort of throne where the Sikh holy book rests. For the Sri Guru Singh Sabha Gurudwara on Southall-London, they designed and fabricated two palki sahibs in gold and silver, as well as the marble inlay work, brass and chrome railings, chandoa and chanini sahibs. They also designed stained glass panels.

They are presently working on the San Jose Gurdawra project and the Sikh National Center in Houston.

In India, Dhami did a landscape design for Sri Anandpur Sahib-Punjab, which depicted Sikh history with life-size sculptures and murals. The project was exhibited at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C.

Dhami said she is trying to encourage the builders of Sikh gurdwaras to pay more attention to their beautification.

"That's what we are trying to do, is get them to focus on this aspect, because that becomes a very visible point for the general American community also, and not just Sikhs themselves."

According to statistics, Sikhs are one of the highest-earning groups in America, she said, adding "If they can build million-dollar homes, they could certainly pay attention to their community places."

At the rural Fairfield gurdwara, she will be involved in an outdoor sculpture composition derived from Sikh history.

"It is basically a place of worship primarily, but what they are also trying is to make it like a place for the younger generation to know about the roots back from where their parents came," she said.

Dhami said her travels around the globe have brought her into contact with Sikhs at all levels of society.

"From the millionaires to the...top businessmen to academicians, factory workers, small business owners and homemakers," she said. "Some have changed with the times while some are still rooted in the times when they left India. But this change is relative."

If a Sikh-American woman who cannot yet speak English chooses to work a menial job, that is her choice, Dhami said.

"She is in a country where she has the liberty to make her decisions. The system will support her. All I wish to say is no one person can be a representative of a community."

And whether the marriage is arranged or not, there is always work to be done, she maintained.

"Any marriage, whether it is arranged or it is a love marriage, there is an adjustment element that has to be inherent in the marriage if it's going to succeed," Dhami said. "Nobody is made perfectly for you."

Barbara Smith can be reached at dixon@thereporter.com.